Saturday, February 16, 2013

Grey skies.


One winter seems to last for years in places like this. 
Grey skies touching grey ground 
Days into nights and nights into days
until the landscape itself
becomes neutrally indifferent.


How restless it is to remain awake
 as the earth sleeps below us.
How easy it is to turn into ourselves
and think too hard for too long
until we too, become indifferent. 


I refuse to become indifferent.



photo source: here & here

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Primal heart.


Love is a risk and we are often shattered to pieces by the intensity of the lust, the passion, the breaking, the unraveling, and the falling. The vulnerable"please let me come to you,"no I don't think you should,"what do we do now," and "are we ok?" moments. 



The push and pull, the aches and urgency, the bitterness and the pain, the bliss and the need, the warmth and the crush, the scent of a neck and length of a spine. The goosebumps and lips and frowns and tears and "yes,we are okay"'s.

The holding on and letting go.
The finding and the losing.
The hope and the sorrow.
The beginning and end.



Regardless of what kind of love, you, my messy, confused, beautiful, crushed, imperfectly perfect and yes oh so REAL human friend may be having in your life, this is my promise to you:


So celebrate your every emotion: bright and bold, sorrowful and somber, lovely and light. Then wrap your fingers around each one, hold them with pride, and say,"yes." Yes, because you are incredibly ALIVE and yes because my darling....


And even when you find yourself cracked open past midnight, 
wounded and howling at the moon with your primal, precious heart,
 remember that you can and will love again.
And again, and again, and again.
Because hearts are made to break and mend thousands of times in one lifetime. 
And not only will you will live through this, you can and will love,
once again.


photo source: here and here, here

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Gone.



And there we were, dancing around the spaces between us
so large, the distance was now too much to breathe,
 too much to bear and too much to name, 
pushing you and I and us too far, and too fast.

Lost language, numbed senses, and both of us to blame.

We'd been stumbling around those spaces too long.

Until night arrived...

And each of us was gone.



"Cause you're always mine
to keep when you're gone."

photo source: here

Sunday, January 20, 2013

From the hearts of dogs.


My most recent piece for the always lovely and inspiring Rebelle Society.


I love my dogs.

There is something about our animals that mends our spirits in ways we often cannot fully grasp, and dogs are certainly no exception. Unconditional love is what most would call it, and we know this because a dog’s love exists without the chains of unspoken criticism and quiet judgment.
But there is something else that I believe they are here to teach us, something deeper and more profound. Sometimes these realizations can be slippery and fleeting, mostly due to the tornado of demands that life spins our way.
However, if we can just hold on to these lessons, I think we will find them timeless and life altering.
  “Dogs are not our whole life but they make our lives whole.” ~ Roger Caras
I share my life with two wonderfully energetic, highly responsive dogs. They are effortless communicators, always effective and honest. They usually respond immediately to my gestures and tone of voice, knowing exactly what I want from them.
As all dogs instinctively do with their owners, they literally know me by heart, meaning they can feel my emotions intuitively, and a dog’s very nature is to operate from heart to heart.
They don’t know anything different, and every day when I bear witness to the bond these incredible animals are able to hold with us, I stand amazed, never taking their steadfastness and loyalty for granted.
Each morning, when I wake, I’m usually filled with anticipation and ready to jump-start the day.
Lately, I’ve been working hard at mastering a system in which I focus and prioritize, learning where best to put my time and energy that particular day, as I find it’s important to keep life in a healthy balance, and this balance seems to grow more important with each passing year.
But, a few mornings ago, I was tired. So tired. The kind of tired that demands every ounce of strength to merely crawl out of bed, start the teapot, and stretch your aching body. I felt a certain heaviness as though I was walking through fog as went through the usual weekday motions.
At times, we can be homesick for a place we aren’t sure of, or feel broken for reasons we can’t quite pinpoint. I was both of those and more so, I naturally blamed winter, based on my ongoing conviction that our bodies simply were not meant to withstand this type of weather for so impossibly long, and were, therefore either meant to live in warm places or hibernate.
Whatever it was, my usual system of operating simply wasn’t enough, and I was holding on to the promise of spring in the distant future. 

Enters Teddy, my rescue dog.
Having just turned one, has far more energy that his sister Rosie. In the mornings, he’s fairly predictable due to the promise of food awaiting. He’ll run outside, zoom at full tilt ‘round the snow-soaked yard, then bolt back into the house, ready for warmth again.
This was not that day. Hearing my familiar tone, Rosie burst back into the house, but Teddy stubbornly remained off to the side of the yard just beyond his favorite, large tree.
“Teddy, come inside!” I called, simultaneously burning my tongue on the still steaming tea, and glancing at the next few emails that’d suddenly appeared on the screen of the phone that my hand was now clenching. I looked again; he still wasn’t coming.
Frustrated and anxious to begin working, I retreated back into the kitchen, grabbed my coat, told Rosie to wait with a look, then headed out into the dark morning to retrieve Teddy, tensing from the sharp cold air, and wondering why I now live in a place where January feels so long and grey, and you can hardly tell day from night.
As I drew closer, Teddy briefly raised his soulful brown eyes with a brief wag of his tail in acknowledgement.
Then, he casually picked up a broken stick, lowered his lean body to the wet ground, and half-heartedly began to chew. It was as though he was purposely delaying having to go back inside the house by pretending he was involved in something that he actually wasn’t that interested in.
For a brief second I thought I should swoop pick him up and carry all 35 lbs of him in, but instead, I knelt down beside him, quietly devising a different plan to lure him back in.
But the longer I sat with him, the longer I unknowingly began to listen.
Then, somewhere between our breaths, I noticed the silence. It was a sweeping silence… The kind of silence that draws you in the way a painfully beautiful piece of music would, when, for a short time, the world seems to halt on its axis, and time crawls to a standstill. There was no wind, no rustle of leaves, and no echo of cars in the distance. It was just the silent dance of a winter sunrise, lighting rooftops and bare branches with warm golden light, as day began to break.
In that moment it occurred to me, I was feeling a pull of something larger than myself. It was a place of rest, refuge, and acceptance; and exactly what I’d hungered for lately, each time I’d feel the nagging uncertainty of what exactly made me ache.
A dog can bring this important type of peace the way another person may not be able to. It’s this very connection that rebuilds your broken parts, allows you to be moved, and renders you breathless with its beauty.
“There are moments of such pure, sublime, unparalleled perfection that will force you to close your eyes the best you can. Life is a series of these moments. Everything else is just waiting for them.” ~ Iain Thomas
Our lives will yield to the routines we inevitably cling on to with dependence, yet we must allow ourselves to be pulled past those boundaries we ourselves have built, or we’ll forget what is actually real.
Animals are unconditional love, not only because of their endless acceptance of our whole selves, but also because they allow us to recognize these moments that show us what is real.
We  humans see moments, and for that reason the moment always escapes us. A dog sees the moment but cannot see through it, and for that reason, time escapes him.

On that cold January morning, right there in the yard, I realized that I felt whole.
Teddy taught me to be in the moment, because within that unpredictably perfect moment, all I had, as well as just being myself… was enough.

Friday, December 21, 2012

The still point of the sun.


Happy winter solstice. :)

Allow yourself to rid the old for the new to be born in this gorgeous transition of seasons into a new day, new era, and new sun. Remember that every loss opens the way for something else, and we must draw the strength and courage to go forth and change our world as we know it. :)

 Here is one of my favorite winter poems, written and perfected by the lovely Margaret Atwood.




"This is the solstice, the still point
of the sun, its cusp and midnight,
the year’s threshold
and unlocking, where the past
lets go of and becomes the future;
the place of caught breath, the door
of a vanished house left ajar.

Taking hands like children
lost in a six-dimensional
forest, we step across.
The walls of the house fold themselves down,
and the house turns
itself inside out, as a tulip does
in its last full-blown moment, and our candle
flares up and goes out, and the only common
sense that remains to us is touch,
as it will be, later, some other
century, when we will seem to each other
even less what we were.
But that trick is just to hold on
through all appearances; and so we do,
and yes, I know it’s you;
and that is what we will come to, sooner
or later, when it’s even darker
than It is now, when the snow is colder,
when it’s darkest and coldest
and candles are no longer any use to us
and the visibility is zero: Yes.
It’s still you. It’s still you."


-Margaret Atwood



photo source: here and here.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Breathing in snowflakes.



Oh Birdy you continue to amaze and inspire me. You know the feeling before tears? That place behind your eyes that fills with emotion when something pulls your heart to the extent of losing control of time and space and control in itself? 


You must.


She sometimes gives me that feeling.


"White lips, pale face
Breathing in snowflakes.."

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

That home.


"If only you could sense how important you are 
to the lives of those you meet;
how important you can be to people 
you may never even dream of.
 There is something of yourself that you leave
 at every meeting 
with another person."
-Fred Rogers

photo by anavicky

I just wanted to wish everyone a lovely Thanksgiving. 
Now, if you aren't nostalgic already (given it's the holiday season) are you now ready to feel an ache rise from your bones to the soon-to-be goosebumps on your skin's surface?

I'm sure I've shared this breathtakingly gorgeous song before 
and tonight,I just couldn't help but share again. 
It's the kind of song that haunts you beautifully 
where you can feel it.

I admittedly regret not learning how to play the piano as a child as I've always been deeply moved by piano notes, particularly in magical, heart swelling songs such as this piece of heaven. 


"Where the doors are moaning all day long
Where the stairs are leaning dusk 'til dawn
Where the windows are breathing in the light
Where the rooms are a collection of our lives
This is a place I don't feel alone
This is a place that I call my home."